As part of my short bio, I’ve shared the story of my multicultural roots with you all before; but today, I want to talk to you about how I learned the magical art of listening. The consequential silence when one listens, allows for more time to process what’s happening and take in more information. Hence, active hearing allows time for observation, the basic tool of my problem-solving and quality background and today’s passion for Coaching.
Starting life in a new world
I arrived to Mexico as a teenager. I had done my grade School in French, understood Spanish from both of my parents, mostly my father, (my mom had become the perfect Spanglish user). English, i can say, was my go-to language with my 5 older siblings and friends. I had it easy right? Well, not so easy because I still remember my mother answering my aunts or uncles when they asked “What are they speaking?” referring to one of my sisters and me. “Oh don’t mind them, they have a language of their own.“ Yes, it was our perfect concoction of a language that only we understood: Franco-Spanglish.
I was in the process of learning to speak, write and read Spanish (I already understood it) and unlearning French (although I went to the nearby French Language Academy for some 3 years to not forget it). My English was intact as we continued to speak English among us siblings and seeing American movies. Without noticing this is where I learned something very important that would help me the rest of my life.
The Secret power of Listening
This is where my listening skills began to grow. Based on studies, it wasn’t something totally random,
“One result of lifetime bilingualism that scientists have discovered is a heightened ability to process sound, not just spoken words. Bilingual children and adolescents are likely to develop stronger sound recognition, better musical pitch, and a heightened ability to understand multiple overlapping audio stimuli (such as holding a conversation while a catchy song plays in the background, for example).”
Benefits of Bilingualism, Olena Centeno
As a result, I started to listen more instead of speaking as much, as I needed to quickly focus on understanding the new language, adapt to the grammatical rules, listen, listen and listen. The use of both my Spanish and English changed throughout the years, having used a more scientific and mathematical use in university and a more business language in the Global Corporate world.
Why was this easy for me? Simple, I didn’t know exactly how to speak the language so what I could do is listen closely, carefully, try to catch those words that sounded like French or perhaps English. That’s one part of it, the other me being an introvert. Another subject, for another day.
Some tips for Silence
- Allow for silence. Give people time to say what they have to say: Try not to interrupt the other person. Write it down if you are afraid you will forget it. Writing or jotting down some ideas for me is key, forces me to visually repeat what is being said. A mandatory silence.
- Ask questions. Do this to understand better and clarify, or to show the other person you are present. It is important that the speaker knows that you not only listened, but also heard and understood them.
- Recognize your own biases, be objective. Focus on what is being said. Remember Stereotypes are a specific kind of belief about groups of people based on their perceived characteristics. Put your personal judgements aside and respond accordingly.
- Keep on listening, just a little bit more. Don’t assume that you understand at first what is being said. Assumptions often get in the way of our understanding.
Listen to the language behind the mask
“Some people use language as a mask. Yet from time to time we are betrayed by language, if not in the words themselves, in the rhythm with which we deliver our words. Over time, I would learn to listen for those wonderful moments when people spoke a kind of personal music, which left a rhythmic architecture of who they were. I would be much more interested in those rhythmic architectures than in the information they might or might not reveal.”
How to Listen Between the Lines, Anna Deavere Smith
