Working with the Global Leader’s Children (TCK)

In my last post I wrote that not only the Global Leader, who´s been assigned to a new country or relocated to a new part of the country, needs to prepare for the new change before them. It´s important that their partners and even their children must be prepared for the relocation abroad as well.

The context and culture will be more difficult for the accompanying family because they will be participating in the “less secured” environment, and not the protected workplace the Global Leader will be immersed in for more than 8 hours a day. In the end, the non-working parent becomes the “culture shock absorber” for the whole family, feeling at times like a “single parent” while their partners bury himself in the responsibilities of the new job.

Studies show that children, who have a difficult time adjusting to these new spaces, contribute a lot to workers´ decisions to return early and unsuccessful completion of international assignments. I also mentioned in my last post how maladjusted spouses or partners can have this type of impact on Global Leader´s work life.

Children move through the same stages of involvement, leaving, transitioning, entering a new cultural and reinvolvement during periods of transition, that I described for the Global Leader and partner as well.  They become what has been known as Third Culture Kids.

What are Third Culture Kids (TCK)?

A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents’ culture. The TCK builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture are assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, a sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background.

David C. Pollock and Ruth Van Reken (1)

As I wrote in my post on The big changes, the loss of one’s everyday life, TCKs also go through Dr. Elizabeth Kuebler-Ross’ five stages of Grief Cycle: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Children do not transition through the stages in a linear sequence and may not experience each stage, nor the potential behaviors and emotions one can use to handle the grief that comes along with loss.

Life as a TCK

While there are studies made on this subject, I myself have experienced this type of grief as a young teenage TDK when I came to Mexico. When I arrived at the age of 14, I coped with my feelings of missing Montreal and my best friend by writing letters to her and watching American movies all day on TV.

All the while my mom also showed her own outbursts of frustration being a stay-at-home mom in a new country she had barely lived in, I silently took in the new language, the new studies of geography and history (which I must say were a lot more complicated than I expected – I’ll talk about that in a later post), all while taking piano and French lessons so I wouldn’t lose these skills.

I can easily say that my own outbursts of frustration in my transition phase of resistance and sadness lasted the whole first school year. I was used to moving as a child, but the loss of a childhood friend isn’t something you just get used to. Little by little I got new friends here, but I can say I missed my childhood best friend for years.

Today it’s easier to keep in touch virtually and have friends all over the world. The TCK’s relationships throughout the stages of transition will impact how children experience the grief cycle,

Social relationships are at the source of the processes through which the individual emerges as separate entity. Inability in forming friendships could therefore add to personal distress, feelings of loneliness and isolation, and reticence to invest in relationships.

Lijadi & Schalkwyk ⁽²⁾

In knowing the different behaviors related to the grief cycle, we may be better able to understand what stage a child is in, how they may be feeling in that point of the transition and support them as best as possible throughout the grief cycle. I highly recommend some specialized reading on this subject, which I list below. Schools, tutors, and even other parents can be a good support during this time of transition as educators better understand the TCK experience.

Pros and Cons of being a TCK

Here’s a quick list of Pros and Cons of being a TCK, or what these will be for the children that join you in this new change ⁽³⁾:

• In Relationships there’s the benefits of deeper relationships, being more realistic about loss, and being self-reliant, while some challenges are that we can become more guarded, mistrusting, and vulnerable to loneliness.
• When Growing Up, children may show more maturity, better communications skills, as well as be independent and autonomous, although some challenges can present themselves such as delayed adolescence, anger and loneliness and a tendency to bargain with life.
• With Language and Culture, TCK children will be multi-lingual, observant, and adaptable, as well as possess a varied life experience, although at the same time lacking fluency may be present, slow assimilation and less assertiveness.
• As for Cultural Identity, a rich cultural background, a broad base of knowledge and the ability to relate to multiple cultures will be high. Meanwhile, their challenges will be to work against others, not recognizing their nomadic history, a lack of belonging and some cultural discord.
• Finally, their Worldview will provide them with greater knowledge and understanding, motivation to bring on change and easily identify similarities from experience. All the while facing some Challenges such as seeing pain of reality, being impatient with those lacking perspective and being at time confused about loyalties.

Accompanying these future leaders

TCKs will be in a unique position as future leaders, as they are frequently multilingual and open to diversity in the broadest sense. They are potentially competitive candidates for entering the globalizing workforce. In today’s evolving cultural, social, and political connectedness, such a prepared student is paramount, and TCKs can help fill out the ranks of future leaders.

How can a Coach help? While I don’t specialize in coaching children, I can coach the parents (working and non-working) by accompanying them in becoming more aware and exploring their children’s identity, belonging, loss and grief and the overall appreciation of the changes and benefits expressed above. As parents of TCKs or children that can have this global experience, one can only support them to live these changes fully and with the less grief possible.

Further reading and sources:

1. Pollock, D. C., & VanReken, R. E. (2001). Third culture kids: The experience of growing up among worlds. London, UK: Nicholas Brealey Publishing.
2. Lijadi, A. & Schalkwyk, G. J. V. Narratives of Third Culture Kids: Commitment and Reticence in Social Relationships. Consulted on June 27^th 2022 on the site https://www.researchgate.net/publication/264121506_Narratives_of_Third_Culture_Kids_Commitment_and_Reticence_in_Social_Relationships
3. Bell, N., Heinze, S., & Hlubek, A. (2019). The Grief Cycle of a Third Culture Kid Transitioning Between Two Cultures. Consulted on June 27^th 2022 on the site https://www.academia.edu/43602832/The_Grief_Cycle_of_a_TCK_Transitioning_Between_Two_Cultures?email_work_card=abstract-read-more
4. Hervey, E. (2009). Where is Home? Understanding, Appreciating, and Supporting Third Culture Kids. Consulted on June 27^th 2022 on the site https://www.academia.edu/1688155/Where_is_Home_Understanding_Appreciating_and_Supporting_Third_Culture_Kids